Freeing the self
by Athena de la Luz
Summary: To be happy, sometimes it is necessary to make sacrifices for the sake of others. please review! My first oneshot piece


I guess every child, at one point, believes in fairies, angel, devils, and even Santa Claus. Some children outgrow those beliefs, but some keep them inside until adulthood. To believe in the extraordinary is a wonderful respite from stress, and keeps a person frequently whole. However, reality is reality; a person has to look at the real world and make choices, knowing that nothing as extraordinary as the things in the imagination really exists. Life is a cycle, and people are only cogs in its great wheel.

My name is Keiichi Morisato, and I just turned 30 years old at midnight. I work on and ride motorcycles for a living—and a good living at that. I won all but one of the races I rode this past year; I lost one race because I'd had problems with my health— a terrible flu and an infection. However, my manager says that it's possible I could go all the way next year; luck just didn't favor my condition. He has faith that I'll be a 30-year-old champion.

And then what? I couldn't keep racing; technically, I'm too old to be doing it now. Very few racers are older than 25 or 26 years old. Maybe after next year, I'll open my own shop, like Sora told me I should do. I could design my own bike collection, and live a happy life doing what I'd first loved to do—repair bikes.

But would I move out of the temple, or should I stay?

It's a question that's been haunting me since I graduated college and then graduate school, all the while making a living by racing.

When I look around me, I see extraordinary things in my life that I'm thankful for and comforted by. Skuld and all of her machines (including Banpei), Urd with her sneaky ways of "helping" me (though a bit demonic), and all of the adventures at home.

Then there's Belldandy.

The day I wished her into my life was one of the most remarkable days I can remember. Beautiful, kind, forgiving, and utterly gentle, Belldandy is someone that's been a good person to me, never mind the fact that she's a goddess with control over the wind and even the very ways of the world. We have fun together, and she treats me as her equal, supporting me in all my endeavors.

But I'm sorry to say that when I look at her, something that was once there has vanished. I know she's here because of a wish I once made, but the love she said she had for me no longer reflects in her eyes.

Maybe it's a goddess thing, but I get the feeling that either she misses home or she's only staying here because of a wish I made when I was a college kid.

The only thing I know for sure is that I love her, and that I want to begin a life with her— you know, get married, have a family—that sort of thing.

I haven't been shy about passion and making love for a while, but it seems that whenever I get close to Belldandy, I never get to make the "next step" with her. We've "been together" for more than ten years, and I can't do much more but kiss her.

I don't want her to stay out of obligation; I want her to stay because of her love. But the question is: does she really love me anymore?

When I asked Urd about it, she only said, "K1, think about it. She's been here— all of us have—since you were in college. Bell's been away from the rest of our family, friends, and work as a goddess. There's no doubt about the fact that she's a first-class goddess; Bell loves working with Yggdrasil, and I'd bet all of my good sake she misses it." A sad expression, strange to see on the mischievous Urd's eyes, slowly spread a frown across her face. "If now's the time you want to begin your life with her, I'm afraid it's too little, too late. Bell's heart is in the Heavens . . . too bad, too. You guys would have had great children and a family. If you want to make her happy, let her go home." Urd took a long sip of sake, and I knew that it was time for me to go.

Marriage was something very much on my mind, and not just with Belldandy. The girl that I'd lost my one race to was a racer that I had become friends with, ironically. She and I often trained together, and we got along together just great. She reminded me a lot of Sora, with a shy exterior, but a determined spirit that had recently been unleashed in her racing. Keira, the other racer, wasn't someone I saw as anything other than a good friend. But she really made me think; if I hadn't wished Belldandy into my life, would I have met and loved someone else? Was that person still waiting for me somewhere, despite the face that I loved Bell?

I've always thought that Belldandy was fated to enter my life, and that she was meant to be the one person I'd love. But does anything successful really start out like that? The one successful thing in my life now, my career, was the result of years of my love for racing and motorcycles. Since college, I'd been plugging away at everything that had anything to do with racing and bikes. I repaired, raced, and applied for any job I could get. Finally, I got my big break after all the hard work for more than six years. I knew that, after so much struggling, this was my destiny.

But my encounter with Belldandy had been chance. I had dialed a wrong number one day, and found the woman I'd love for my whole life. Was it a coincidence, luck, or something else? So many years later, I had no idea what the answer was, nor did I know if there was another person that I was meant to be with after a long ordeal, like the ordeal I'd had to endure for the chance to have the dream job I'd always wanted.

I'm thirty years old. Yet so many of the questions about the early years of my life haven't been answered . . . . and maybe they never will be, even if I live to a hundred years old. I can only see an ever-so-radiant Belldandy in my dreams, wearing a white dress, holding our children in her arms. The white picket fence of our house isn't as nearly as white as her skin.

But the part of me that feel the ten and more years that have passed since meeting Bell knows what will happen next. I will age, and Belldandy won't; our children will be stuck and torn apart by the totally different and diverse worlds of Heaven and Earth. It's like a fairy tale, the picture I have in my head—but as anybody can tell you, fairy tales degrade in their worth over time. Nobody over the age of ten believes in Santa Claus, and people nearly half that age are the oldest people to believe in fairies and that sort of thing. We all want to hold onto beauty and fantasy, but reality rarely offers that sort of opportunity.

I walk into Bell's room, just across the hall from mine, and find her sitting on a chair, reading a cooking book so she can make dinner. She put down the book, and smiles sweetly at me, that eternal twinkle in her eyes making me smile back at her. I sit next to her, searching for the words to say, looking at the face of Belldandy, the same as the very day that I had met her—almost ten years ago.

"Bell, can I tell you something?"

"Sure, Keiichi dear. Is there something wrong?"

I look around at the room, carefully furnished with pictures of all her good times on Earth. But what strikes me is the empty birdcage next to her bed.

"Your bird's gone."

"Well, it just broke my heart to see it in a cage. I loved your present, Keiichi—it was such a beautiful bird—but I had to let it go. The little precious wanted to stay here with me, but I couldn't bear to do anything with it other than give it its freedom. It was a beautiful creature."

I couldn't help but smile at Belldandy's sweet nature. Here I was, unhappy about us, and she was just the same—she still warmed my heart and made me feel better. However, no amount of smiles from even a goddess would ever dispel the troubles in my heart.

"Bell, do you remember when we first met?"

"Just like yesterday. You seemed so different back then."

"I was . . . I was still in college. Can you believe that I just turned 30? That makes it more than ten years that we've known each other, and you and I began living here."

Bell looked up at the walls of the sturdy temple we'd all been living in since my college years. "Time passes so quickly when you make so many good memories. Remember when Skuld made that infinite space expander and . . . "

" . . . and we lost all of our things in the tea room for a week! I can't believe I almost forgot about that." I stretched my arms out, feeling a little hungry as I looked at the clock-- it was almost six, and time for dinner.

I already knew what I had to do, but why was it so hard? I wasn't breaking up with Belldandy—I would always love her—I just wanted her to be happy. With people like her . . . her friends, family, and her fellow goddesses first-class. I just didn't know how to put it into words . . . my love for her, and the reason why she had to leave.

I guess tears were welling up in my eyes, because Belldandy handed me a tissue. I let the tears fall, and Belldandy was crying too; she finally realized, with all her power of hearing other people's wishes and desires, what I was trying to say. As I held her gently in my arms, taking in the heavenly scent of her skin for what I fear was the last time, I knew she still loved me. She always will . . . no matter who we are. Or what we are.

After my few tears were spent, Bell gave me what will always be the sweetest kiss in the world. She put me down on her bed, somehow lifting me, and I slept the sleep of the dead, without a worry in the world.

I've counted time by that night, the first one after my 30th birthday. I remember it so clearly . . . like an exquisite picture by a Renaissance artist. I woke up at 7:30, hungry and completely refreshed, to find the temple empty. Only Bell's bed had been left, along with my own things. The signs to Urd and Skuld's rooms had vanished.

I knew where they were . . . they'd gone back home. To Yggdrasil, and Bell's true happiness.

I entered the kitchen, wondering about dinner, when I saw a huge feast sitting on the table as if it was calling my name. A note lay on top of the feast, written in India ink. I picked it up, knowing it was from them.

_Dear Keiichi (K1!),_

_Enjoy this feast from Urd and me for your birthday. We made everything that we know how to cook. Skuld left Banpei too; you could use him as a helper for your bikes. _

_Take care . . . we'll always be watching over you._

_Thank you . . . for everything._

_Love always,_

_Belldandy, Urd, and Skuld_

_P.S. Don't ever be afraid to call the wrong number. I'll always be waiting._


End file.
